Amidst being a good parent, running your household and your job, it may
be difficult to know how to nurture your relationship. Whether you're
looking to rejuvenate your romance
or just reinforce your bond, there are a few ingredients to add that
keep your relationship exciting and energized for a lifetime.
Show you're committed:
There's
more to demonstrating commitment than vowing to live your lives
together. Don't use excuses such as, "I'm tired," or the lack of a
babysitter to cancel dinner reservations or avoid time together. If you
can't find a sitter for your 'date night,' have an intimate barbeque on
the deck after the kids have gone to bed. Showing your commitment to
spending time together reinforces your commitment to each other, and
tells your partner that he is a priority.
Love as if you just met:
When
you first became a couple, you'd take the time to compliment each other
and worked to fall in love with each other. When you dated, you shared
hobbies, interests and a passion to be together. You surprised each
other with flowers, a favorite meal or special outing. While these
actions built your relationship, the memories of them alone will not
sustain it. Put forth the same effort now that you did when you were
dating, and you'll infuse your connection with the freshness of a young
romance.
Establish your expectations:
Your
partner needs to know if you feel you need more out of your
relationship. Remember that you're not coupled with a mind reader!
Discuss what each of your wants
in and from your coupling, instead of assuming you both are on exactly
the same wavelength. Revaluate your mutual goals and interest for your
relationship periodically to make sure you're both running through life
on the same track.
Be partners as well as parents:
Because
family life commands a great deal of attention, many couples don't know
what to talk about unless they're discussing their children. They lose
the individuality that once blended together to form their union. Take a
class or read the same book together to nurture each other's minds and
spirits as adult partners. Designate a 'no kids' talk time to discuss
expectations for your relationship, your career or your life as a whole.
Share diversity:
It is
unrealistic to expect one person to solely fulfill every area of your
life. Balancing work, social situations and personal time equally as
well as with time with your mate will actually
enhance your
relationship. The time spent to enjoy a movie or golfing with friends
contributes to a complete emotional happiness that you can share
together.
Argue fairly:
Dr John
Gottman, PhD of The Gottman Institute notes that happy and successful
couples know how to exit an argument -- and how to repair the situation
before an argument gets out of control. He suggests that you avoid
resorting to 'hitting below the belt' in an argument. Drawing deliberate
and hurtful comparisons or dredging up mean spirited topics that are
unrelated to the current disagreement just to be spiteful is completely
unproductive. Gottman recommends that if an argument gets too heated,
take a 20-minute break, and agree to approach the topic again when you
are both calm.
Go to bed together:
We've
all had evenings where it feels as though you could stay awake for
hours catching up on tasks or a favorite television show. Oddly enough,
those are often the same nights your partner is ready for bed right
after clearing the dinner table. Even if only one of you are tired and
the other wants to watch TV, always go to bed together. If you're having
trouble going to sleep you can always read or practice meditating to
relax.
Make small talk:
Small
talk often sparks a dialogue that may lead to meaningful conversations;
however there are always days that deplete your energy and talking
together becomes an exerting chore. Asking leading questions such as,
"So, what was the most stressful part of your day?" tells your partner
that even though you need some tender loving care, you're also
interested in his day.
Listen to each other:
More
than 75 percent of adults in couples therapy feel their partners do not
hear them. Stimulate listening to each other by reading poetry, the
newspaper or a favorite book to each other. Learning to listen to each
other in casual scenarios increases your capability to listen to teach
other during a disagreement, important discussion or dinner time
chatter.
Share a positive outlook:
Change
a negative aspect of your relationship with a positive suggestion. "I
love when we laugh." sets a more pleasant tone than, "We never have fun
together anymore." You'll let your partner know you miss spending 'fun'
time together without causing them to be defensive.
There's no better time to begin reinforcing the bond between you and your sweetie than
right now. It's never too soon to have more love in your love.
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