LOVE AND INTERCOURSE TIME

 

How we breathe is of the utmost importance to our vital health, both physically and emotionally. We need to retrain ourselves to breathe deeply and relax. Breathing, or rather lack of it, is one of the primary reasons women are preorgasmic or frustrated with their inability to orgasm every time. When men begin to notice their breath, slow it down, and relax in sexually exciting situations, they gain control over how long they can last during intercourse.

When you are new to breath exercises, you may hyperventilate in the beginning. You'll know because you'll get tingly and might feel dizzy. Slow down or even go back to your old way of breathing for a few minutes. Then, start again. You'll soon get beyond this.

If you are a woman, observe yourself the next time you are making love, either with your partner or by yourself. You feel good, you're at a level 9, the energy is building, your body gets tense and then tenser, suddenly, you notice that you're not breathing. What's happened?

This is a typical response pattern. You get tense and stop breathing. The orgasmic energy falls away and you have to build it again, often with the same results. The key is to learn to let the breath carry your sexual response.

If you are a man, observe yourself the next time you are self-pleasuring or making love with your partner. Do you notice that you are breathing hard and fast? What part of your body is your breath in? Can you slow down your breathing and deepen it while maintaining your erotic heights of pleasure?

The Practice

What we will work toward is a steady, full, deep breath into our bellies. This is a great practice for beginning meditation, also. It requires focus and attention plus relaxation. Allow about ten minutes for this practice. Every day would be ideal, either before you get up or just before you go to sleep.

Breathing through your nose is considered a “cool” breath, while breathing through your mouth is considered “hotter.” In terms of the buildup of sexual energy, mouth breathing naturally happens when you are turned on and in the 8 to 10 zone of sexual excitement. You can also create “heat” by breathing through your mouth.

Lie on your back in a comfortable, quiet place. Don't use a pillow under your head. Close your eyes and place one of your hands on your belly. Begin a slow inhalation through the nostrils. Let your stomach rise with the breath and fall back on the out breath, almost in an exaggerated manner. Notice the rise and fall of the hand you've placed on your belly. Notice the slight arch in your back rising and falling with each breath.

After ten of these breaths, open your mouth slightly and on the exhalation let the air out slowly and softly through your pursed lips (a little sound is okay). Continue to breathe slowly and deeply in this manner. Notice the moment between the inhalation and the beginning of the exhalation. Expand that moment slightly. Relax and then relax even more deeply. Keep your mind on what you are doing.

Advanced Practice

Lie on the floor, again without a pillow under your head. Bring your knees up and place your feet on the floor, about hip-distance apart, just beyond your bottom. Relax your knees a little and let them hang out slightly or open up from your hips.

Begin to belly breathe and exaggerate the motions. As your belly fills with air, your back arches away from the floor and your hips rotate out to the front. Your chin will naturally move down, onto your chest. As you exhale, your head goes back and your spine flattens some to the floor. Your hips rotate back.

Do this move combined with the breath several times. Do you feel the body motion created by the breath movement? Your hips will be rotating back and forward as you breathe, and produce a kind of thrusting motion. They go forward on the in breath and backward on the out breath. Now try picking up the speed a little. Go easy at first and slowly pick up the speed. Continue the rocking and the breathing for a few minutes.

Only do what feels comfortable at any one moment. You can always come back to the exercise. Don't continue if you feel like you're off balance in any way. Everyone requires some adjustment time when making changes and learning new things. Be gentle with yourself and have fun.

This is a great lower-back relaxer, but it gives the motion of a dance to the thrusting, and really allows you to coordinate the movements of breath, hips, flow of the head and neck, and whole body into the breathing experience.

Inquiry

Ask yourself these five questions. By taking a point of reference about yourself now, you'll be able to notice how much you are expanding and growing later. Ask them separately for the main practice and then the advanced practice.

• How did this make you feel?
• Was it easy or a little uncomfortable at first?
• Did you hyperventilate a little at first?
• Did you have any judgments come up about expanding your belly?
• Did you have any emotional reactions during this exercise?

The next time you self-pleasure or make love, observe your breathing patterns, if you can. If you have a partner, you may want to ask him or her to observe you.

Hand on Heart Eye Gazing 

Eye gazing is a simple and profound practice. It requires being present and in the moment. Though eye gazing may look easy, it is not for some people. When eye gazing, there is nowhere to go and nothing to do. You just gaze into each other's eyes. There is no need to smile, frown, or give any eye and facial signals. In fact, don't do this. Just gaze at your partner and be fully present with him or her.

Learning to accept yourself and your lover without smiling, cracking jokes, or controlling them is liberating. Simply “being” with your partner and seeing into his or her soul through the eyes is a deepening, calming experience.

The Practice

Begin by sitting across from each other. You can be sitting cross-legged, on the bed or on chairs. Place your right hand on your partner's chest, between the breasts, and place your left hand over his or her hand on your chest, to hold it. If you are solo, do this with the mirror—it may even be a more profound way of doing this exercise.

Begin to breathe together. Softly look at each other. No need to stress or strain. Don't analyze the face across from you. Just gaze and breathe. If you giggle or squirm, as you might in the beginning, come back to the breath; it will focus you.

Spend ten minutes in this practice. After a few minutes, when you feel stable, observe which eye you have been looking into. Typically one or the other of your partner's eyes will be more comfortable to look into. See if you can notice this about yourself.

Advanced Practice and Inquiry

An advanced step is to cycle the eyes in this exercise. As you breathe in, you each look into the left eye—as you breathe out, you each look into the right eye. When you've tried that, reverse the eyes. How does that feel? One direction of cycling may be more comfortable than another.

The Taoist's understanding of the balance in life, as exemplified by the yin/yang symbol, is that each individual has a feminine and a masculine side. When these are in balance, the individual is healthy and balanced, too. The left eye is the receptive, receiving, or yin eye, and the right eye is the active, giving, or yang eye. Noticing which of your eyes is more comfortable giving and which is more comfortable receiving is a data point for understanding your own balance.

Spend some time talking about this exercise with your partner.

• How was it for each of you?
• What made you squirm, if anything?
• Could you sustain the ten minutes?
• If you tried the advanced part, speculate on why one way of cycling might be more comfortable than the other. What did you discover?

Woman-Superior Positions

 

The secret Tantric sects that followed the practices of the Kama Sutra, and more esoteric practices too, believed that the woman was the goddess incarnate. She had the sensual power to lead the man in sexual activities that were heavenly. The woman-superior positions give modern women a chance to show that this principle was and is true.

Make sure you do this set of positions at a different time than the previous lesson. Men, having your woman on top may be very erotic, especially if it is the first time for you. Make sure you give yourself lots of breaks if you feel like you might ejaculate too soon. Take it easy! 
As with your previous evening with the man-on-top positions, begin by engaging in a generous amount of foreplay. The more turned on the both of you are, especially the woman, the more fun you'll have trying these new positions. Warm her up well so that she feels turned on and empowered.

The Practice

When the two of you feel ready, start by having the woman lie on top of the man. Just lie there without having intercourse for a few minutes. Kiss and hug. While still lying down on his chest, wrap your legs around your partner, women, and help him to insert his lingam into you. Bring your knees up a little to rest on the bed and place your feet flat to help you create traction. 
Stay in communication with your partner at all times when you're both learning. If you don't give feedback, you won't feel empowered enough to lead in the creative areas, either. You'll both expand and grow faster if you do. 
Begin to rock up and down a little, rubbing your body on his and focusing on your clitoris, in the direction from your head to your feet. Now lift up a little and bring your hips up and down on his lingam. Try experimenting with deep thrusts and more shallow thrusts in this position. 
Now sit up on top of him. Keep your knees on the bed with your feet flat or relaxed. Thrust by moving up and down. Churn your hips in small circles and from side to side. You can use thrusting patterns from Chapter 8 to help you get creative. 
This is an excellent position to employ thrusting techniques in. You can act as “the Bumble Bee” by staying high and shallow on the head of his lingam or plunge deeper every second or third time. Choose your rhythm and speed carefully. You are in charge—you don't want him to go over the top too quickly.

How we breathe is of the utmost importance to our vital health, both physically and emotionally. We need to retrain ourselves to breathe deeply and relax. Breathing, or rather lack of it, is one of the primary reasons women are preorgasmic or frustrated with their inability to orgasm every time. When men begin to notice their breath, slow it down, and relax in sexually exciting situations, they gain control over how long they can last during intercourse.

When you are new to breath exercises, you may hyperventilate in the beginning. You'll know because you'll get tingly and might feel dizzy. Slow down or even go back to your old way of breathing for a few minutes. Then, start again. You'll soon get beyond this.

If you are a woman, observe yourself the next time you are making love, either with your partner or by yourself. You feel good, you're at a level 9, the energy is building, your body gets tense and then tenser, suddenly, you notice that you're not breathing. What's happened?

This is a typical response pattern. You get tense and stop breathing. The orgasmic energy falls away and you have to build it again, often with the same results. The key is to learn to let the breath carry your sexual response.

If you are a man, observe yourself the next time you are self-pleasuring or making love with your partner. Do you notice that you are breathing hard and fast? What part of your body is your breath in? Can you slow down your breathing and deepen it while maintaining your erotic heights of pleasure?

The Practice

What we will work toward is a steady, full, deep breath into our bellies. This is a great practice for beginning meditation, also. It requires focus and attention plus relaxation. Allow about ten minutes for this practice. Every day would be ideal, either before you get up or just before you go to sleep.

Breathing through your nose is considered a “cool” breath, while breathing through your mouth is considered “hotter.” In terms of the buildup of sexual energy, mouth breathing naturally happens when you are turned on and in the 8 to 10 zone of sexual excitement. You can also create “heat” by breathing through your mouth.

Lie on your back in a comfortable, quiet place. Don't use a pillow under your head. Close your eyes and place one of your hands on your belly. Begin a slow inhalation through the nostrils. Let your stomach rise with the breath and fall back on the out breath, almost in an exaggerated manner. Notice the rise and fall of the hand you've placed on your belly. Notice the slight arch in your back rising and falling with each breath.

After ten of these breaths, open your mouth slightly and on the exhalation let the air out slowly and softly through your pursed lips (a little sound is okay). Continue to breathe slowly and deeply in this manner. Notice the moment between the inhalation and the beginning of the exhalation. Expand that moment slightly. Relax and then relax even more deeply. Keep your mind on what you are doing.

Advanced Practice

Lie on the floor, again without a pillow under your head. Bring your knees up and place your feet on the floor, about hip-distance apart, just beyond your bottom. Relax your knees a little and let them hang out slightly or open up from your hips.

Begin to belly breathe and exaggerate the motions. As your belly fills with air, your back arches away from the floor and your hips rotate out to the front. Your chin will naturally move down, onto your chest. As you exhale, your head goes back and your spine flattens some to the floor. Your hips rotate back.

Do this move combined with the breath several times. Do you feel the body motion created by the breath movement? Your hips will be rotating back and forward as you breathe, and produce a kind of thrusting motion. They go forward on the in breath and backward on the out breath. Now try picking up the speed a little. Go easy at first and slowly pick up the speed. Continue the rocking and the breathing for a few minutes.

Only do what feels comfortable at any one moment. You can always come back to the exercise. Don't continue if you feel like you're off balance in any way. Everyone requires some adjustment time when making changes and learning new things. Be gentle with yourself and have fun.

This is a great lower-back relaxer, but it gives the motion of a dance to the thrusting, and really allows you to coordinate the movements of breath, hips, flow of the head and neck, and whole body into the breathing experience.

Inquiry

Ask yourself these five questions. By taking a point of reference about yourself now, you'll be able to notice how much you are expanding and growing later. Ask them separately for the main practice and then the advanced practice.

• How did this make you feel?
• Was it easy or a little uncomfortable at first?
• Did you hyperventilate a little at first?
• Did you have any judgments come up about expanding your belly?
• Did you have any emotional reactions during this exercise?

The next time you self-pleasure or make love, observe your breathing patterns, if you can. If you have a partner, you may want to ask him or her to observe you.

Hand on Heart Eye Gazing 

Eye gazing is a simple and profound practice. It requires being present and in the moment. Though eye gazing may look easy, it is not for some people. When eye gazing, there is nowhere to go and nothing to do. You just gaze into each other's eyes. There is no need to smile, frown, or give any eye and facial signals. In fact, don't do this. Just gaze at your partner and be fully present with him or her.

Learning to accept yourself and your lover without smiling, cracking jokes, or controlling them is liberating. Simply “being” with your partner and seeing into his or her soul through the eyes is a deepening, calming experience.

The Practice

Begin by sitting across from each other. You can be sitting cross-legged, on the bed or on chairs. Place your right hand on your partner's chest, between the breasts, and place your left hand over his or her hand on your chest, to hold it. If you are solo, do this with the mirror—it may even be a more profound way of doing this exercise.

Begin to breathe together. Softly look at each other. No need to stress or strain. Don't analyze the face across from you. Just gaze and breathe. If you giggle or squirm, as you might in the beginning, come back to the breath; it will focus you.

Spend ten minutes in this practice. After a few minutes, when you feel stable, observe which eye you have been looking into. Typically one or the other of your partner's eyes will be more comfortable to look into. See if you can notice this about yourself.

Advanced Practice and Inquiry

An advanced step is to cycle the eyes in this exercise. As you breathe in, you each look into the left eye—as you breathe out, you each look into the right eye. When you've tried that, reverse the eyes. How does that feel? One direction of cycling may be more comfortable than another.

The Taoist's understanding of the balance in life, as exemplified by the yin/yang symbol, is that each individual has a feminine and a masculine side. When these are in balance, the individual is healthy and balanced, too. The left eye is the receptive, receiving, or yin eye, and the right eye is the active, giving, or yang eye. Noticing which of your eyes is more comfortable giving and which is more comfortable receiving is a data point for understanding your own balance.

Spend some time talking about this exercise with your partner.

• How was it for each of you?
• What made you squirm, if anything?
• Could you sustain the ten minutes?
• If you tried the advanced part, speculate on why one way of cycling might be more comfortable than the other. What did you discover?

Woman-Superior Positions

 

The secret Tantric sects that followed the practices of the Kama Sutra, and more esoteric practices too, believed that the woman was the goddess incarnate. She had the sensual power to lead the man in sexual activities that were heavenly. The woman-superior positions give modern women a chance to show that this principle was and is true. 

Make sure you do this set of positions at a different time than the previous lesson. Men, having your woman on top may be very erotic, especially if it is the first time for you. Make sure you give yourself lots of breaks if you feel like you might ejaculate too soon. Take it easy! 

As with your previous evening with the man-on-top positions, begin by engaging in a generous amount of foreplay. The more turned on the both of you are, especially the woman, the more fun you'll have trying these new positions. Warm her up well so that she feels turned on and empowered.

The Practice

When the two of you feel ready, start by having the woman lie on top of the man. Just lie there without having intercourse for a few minutes. Kiss and hug. While still lying down on his chest, wrap your legs around your partner, women, and help him to insert his lingam into you. Bring your knees up a little to rest on the bed and place your feet flat to help you create traction. 

Stay in communication with your partner at all times when you're both learning. If you don't give feedback, you won't feel empowered enough to lead in the creative areas, either. You'll both expand and grow faster if you do. 

Begin to rock up and down a little, rubbing your body on his and focusing on your clitoris, in the direction from your head to your feet. Now lift up a little and bring your hips up and down on his lingam. Try experimenting with deep thrusts and more shallow thrusts in this position. 

Now sit up on top of him. Keep your knees on the bed with your feet flat or relaxed. Thrust by moving up and down. Churn your hips in small circles and from side to side. You can use thrusting patterns from Chapter 8 to help you get creative. 

This is an excellent position to employ thrusting techniques in. You can act as “the Bumble Bee” by staying high and shallow on the head of his lingam or plunge deeper every second or third time. Choose your rhythm and speed carefully. You are in charge—you don't want him to go over the top too quickly.